Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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