You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
