Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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