Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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