Jerry, you need to find god
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
