I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
