Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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