i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
