just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
