Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
