At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
