party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
