we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
