Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
