do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
