Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
