i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
