Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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