all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize