apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
