Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
