There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
