im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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