I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize