walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
