maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He passed out mid-signature
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
