Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
