if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
