My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
