you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
