That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
