Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
