mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
