I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
