I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize