I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
