I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
