don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sobbing to NWA
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
