I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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