I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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