she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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