All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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