Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
