My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
