i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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