I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize