Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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