He had one of those small greek statue penises
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
