Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
