She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
