does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
