that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
