I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
