All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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