Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
handjob tips. give me some.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
