I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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