Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
