If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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