I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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