My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
