So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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