He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
