I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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