I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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