I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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