How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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