Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
