don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
