i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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