Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did we literally take a cab across the street
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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