If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
