She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
