u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
