I'm sorry my penis didn't work
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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