She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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