If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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