My cat gives me a boner
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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