its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Girls should come with a carfax report
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
