dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
