Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
