I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
