what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
