i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize