Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
