I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
