her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
