I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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