when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
