I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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