I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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