I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
