All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this will be a night to untag.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
