Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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