Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
