is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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