I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
