i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
