To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
