i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
