How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You work out of a Hotel?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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