when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
