Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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