I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize