Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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