so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
