She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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