Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
