Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
